


Die Knowing Your Life Was My Life's Best Part

by GeckoGirl89



Category: Angel: the Series
Genre: Canon Dialogue, Community: comment_fic, Doomed Relationship, Episode: s05e12 You're Welcome, F/M, Heartbreak, Heavy Angst, Missed Chances, References to 4.01 (Deep Down), References to Season 4, Regret, Tragedy, Tragic Romance, Unhappy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-15
Updated: 2017-01-15
Packaged: 2018-09-17 15:16:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9331079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GeckoGirl89/pseuds/GeckoGirl89
Summary: If that night had happened differently, he couldn't have had everything with Cordy. His curse guaranteed that. But they could have had something.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the comment-fic prompt "Author’s choice, any canon pairing that ends tragically, there’s a world where we get a happy ending, I know it": http://comment-fic.livejournal.com/701941.html?thread=92644341#t92644341
> 
> The title is from the song "You" by Keaton Henson. There's a wonderful Angel/Cordelia vid to that song here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rV0tSq0Z5Uc

Of all the alternate dimensions to exist, there must have been one where Cordelia and him could have been together.

It's something Angel believes fervently with his entire soul. That delusion invaded every dream he had down in that metal box at the bottom of the ocean. There was the dream he had of Thanksgiving with his entire family, where he almost got to kiss Cordy, Connor was no longer angry with him, and he had mended his strained relationship with Wesley. The prequel was the dream of actually meeting Cordelia at Point Dume, hearing her say everything he wished she would, and getting to kiss her, finally.

When she asks him if he ever thinks about if they had gotten a chance to meet up that night, he quickly answers "all the time." That was the night that ruined everything, when Cordelia was taken to the higher realms to be possessed by Jasmine, which led to his son's insanity and this devil's bargain with Wolfram & Hart. If that night had happened differently, he couldn't have had everything with Cordy. His curse guaranteed that. But they could have had something.

With her questions and with the way she came so close to saying she was in love with him, Angel starts to think that maybe they could have something now. But just when he's finally starting to feel better about himself than he has since he took that deal with Wolfram & Hart, Cordelia reveals that she must leave him. Of course, Angel protests, tells her that he needs her. He always did, and he will never understand why the powers won't just let them be at least a little happy. Angel doesn't deserve that, but doesn't Cordy, who sacrificed so much and did so much good for him, for everyone?

"We take what we can get, champ, and we do our best with it," she says. So, that's it, then. This is the best his tragic life has to offer them. She smiles, and she looks just as sad as Angel knows he is. She starts to turn around, and then she rushes back towards him.

"Oh, what the hell. One for the road?"

Angel's entire face lights up before she rushes forward to kiss him. For that brief, shining moment when he's holding Cordy in his arms, Angel forgets everything else. A telephone is ringing in the background, but he doesn't care. 

"You know, I don't have to get that." Angel says. Somehow, Angel knows that if he walks away, this will end. Cordy wouldn't be stroking his cheek or nuzzling his noise. Why would he ever want to go?

She straightens his shirt collar, and Angel is reminded of a moment before they went to the ballet, back when there was a chance for him to be happy. Her voice is serious. "That, you have to get." She pats his shoulder and he reluctantly walks off to answer the interrupting phone call.

"Oh, and by the way, you're welcome."

Angel answers the phone, and he can't believe what he hears. The doctor is saying she's dead, but that's impossible because he knows he left her just a few feet away. He turns, and Cordelia is gone. Oh, so this is what she meant about her "off ramp." And then it turns out that she never woke up.

So, this is how it ends. An empty office and a broken heart. In the end, all they got to have was one real kiss. Angel believes more deeply than ever that there must be a reality where Cordy got to live, where the fact that there were no people like them meant that they made it through everything standing in their way. He has to. He owes it to Cordelia to maintain the hope that she renewed in his heart just before she left forever so that he can continue to do good, to honor her legacy.

Despite the sense of loss caving in his chest, Angel is grateful that Cordelia graced his life, even for a few precious, all too short years.

He hangs up the phone, and says one last thing to her, hoping that Cordy can hear him somewhere.

"Thank you."


End file.
